Tuesday, February 24, 2009

the tuesday question? 2-24-09

another question.

How many bags of bone meal can you smuggle into Mexico using only a Model –T and three covered wagons?

as always, leave your answers below...and show your work.

Wednesday, February 18, 2009

The Final 24 Hours of Dr. Leon Brophy

Illustration by Amjad Faur

Since the release of the Lightbulb Detective Agency CD A Useful Potato, We have received HUNDREDS of e-mails with questions about the song, the Final 24 Hours of Dr. Leon Brophy. Questions like “who is this Dr. Leon Brophy? What happened in his final 24 hours? Why the heck is this song 27 minutes long?” The “official” history of the song is available elsewhere on this blog as well as in the liner notes of the CD, but we have to be honest with you, that’s not the real story.

In the summer of 2001, Dr.Leon Brophy vanished. As one of the leading researches in the field of time travel, Dr. Brophy needs little introduction to those who research time travel. Everyone else however, will have no idea who this guy is. Dr. Brophy is considered a loose cannon by the few that know him. Many regard his methods as too unorthodox, and most consider it complete hogwash. His extremely reclusive nature is infamous, or at least it would be if anyone had ever heard of him.

Leon went to great lengths to insure that his research was kept as secret as possible. It is rumored that his entire support staff was made up of trained orangutans’ that only responded to commands in a language of Brophy’s invention. Because of his secrecy and the fact that all of his records seem to have vanished with him, we do not know the exact nature of Dr. Brophys work. We do however know that it in some way relates to memory.

Unlike “traditional” methods of time travel (such as mechanical or through powerful sorcery) Dr. Brophy felt it was possible to pull oneself out of time using nothing other than your own mind. It is unclear exactly how this works but, it apparently involves deep concentration on an event of the past or a somehow acquired “memory” of the future. No Proof exists that he ever perfected this method.

Only one piece of unexplained physical evidence was found in Dr. Brophys laboratory, where it is known he spent the days leading up to his disappearance. It seems that Leon had hooked himself up to a Brainwave scan device for a period of 24 hours. The lengthy print out hard copy of this scan was found spooled onto the floor and still attached to the machine. On a hunch Investigators fed this information into a powerful “ULTRA –BRAIN” computer. It was then discovered that the scan translated into a 27-minute audio waveform.

This waveform is of course, the song The Final 24 Hours of Dr. Leon Brophy as it appears on the A Useful Potato CD. When the CD was released, we at Lightbulb Detective Agency felt that general public wouldn’t accept the bizarre origins of this recording. So, a story about creating the song in a 24 hour time span was fabricated and released as the “official” story. However, we feel that you dear reader deserve to know the truth.

Even though the disappearance of Dr. Leon Brophy remains unexplained, we at Lightbulb Detective Agency vow to not let the mystery fade. We will continue to investigate this and keep you informed as details emerge.

Tuesday, February 17, 2009

the tuesday question? 02-17-09

...and so we pose the question...

How long will it take a man disguised as Abe Lincoln to prepare enough Fajitas to feed a 100 person junior high marching band in the summer?

please leave your answers in the comments ......and please explain your answer....

good luck...

Tuesday, February 10, 2009

STORM THE CASTLE! on Aquarius Records!

Holy Macaroni!

Aquarius Records has been kind enough to sell the STC! CD The History of Doomed Expeditions Vol.1 on their website!

They even gave it a great review!

Check it out Here!



Monday, February 2, 2009

Groundhog's day?

Just in case you live in a cave and eat albino fish for dinner, Groundhog’s day is that weird holiday in February with the groundhog and his shadow supposedly predicting the weather. As a child, Groundhog’s day is just some lame holiday you don’t get presents or a day off from school for. As you grow older groundhog’s day is pretty much the same except you are able to talk about the weather for an extra 20 seconds. Talking about the weather seems to become more important as you grow older. Even though Groundhog’s day, the Bill Murry film is universally recognized as the ultimate date movie, Groundhog’s day is a tame and largely insignificant holiday that most people never, ever think twice about.

But was it always this way?

If you look up the origin of Groundhogs day on Wikipedia, it will probably give you some completely plausible and sensible explanation that any person in their right mind will be satisfied with. But we here at Lightbulb Detective Agency say “HOGWASH! …UTTER HOGWASH!” Read on brave reader…if the taste of truth does not burn your tongue!

In the 14th century, one hundred years before the Sawney Beane Family’s reign of terror, a plague of bizarre mayhem gripped the western coast of Scotland. According to Wilber Hamsandwichson in his controversial book The Secret History of Scotland, “Graunhaugg’s Day” was not just a silly holiday; it was a day of terror. Hamsandwichson has uncovered a long hidden manuscript that reveals the story of the “Graunhaugg”, a monstrous beast that menaced small Scottish villages every February for at least 15 years.

According to the manuscript, the monster was described as being “shaped like a man but as tall as two and a half men and covered in unbreakable green scales”. Allegedly possessing unbelievable strength and speed, the beast would tear through homes, villagers and anything foolish enough to be in its way with razor sharp, sword length claws. Strangely the “Graunhaugg” was said to have no face but one gigantic blood shot eye covering most of its head. The beast was also accompanied by the inexplicable and intense smell of burning wood.

Very little else is known about the “Graunhaugg”, other than it would suddenly appear every early February and begin its seemingly random attacks on the villages. Mostly damaging the villager’s homes, the beast appeared to have no obvious motive. It would not steal anything, and it never ate any of its victims or took any hostages. In fact the only people who were killed by the monster were those who attempted to attack it. The would be attackers were reportedly dispatched with blinding speed and brutality. One example tells of the beast reducing a group of 12 warriors to bloody sludge in a matter of seconds. Hamsandwichson theorizes the “Graunhaugg” was searching for something in those villages but what that could possibly be is anyone’s guess. Then after several hours of savage destruction the “Graunhaugg” would vanish as suddenly as it had appeared. No sign of the beast was seen again until its dreaded arrival the next year.

It is estimated that these fearful February attacks lasted for slightly less than two decades. Then for no apparent reason the beast vanished for good. Did the creature die? Did it find what was looking for? What was it looking for anyway? Why was the history of the beast hidden for so long? Why did the Villagers name the beast the “Graunhaugg”? What the heck kind of monster has a giant eyeball for a head? When did “Graunhaugg’s day” become “Groundhog’s day”? And more importantly, why did a yearly time of menacing mayhem become a quaint holiday about the weather? Wilbur Hamsandwichson Claimed he would answer all of these questions in his unfinished book The Secret History of Groundhog’s day but he vanished along with all of his notes early last February. His last known location was the western coast of Scotland.